handle narcissists

Why Narcissists Tend to Complain a Lot

Portraying oneself as the hero and victim of every story is a tough thing to constantly keep up. A narcissist thereby, has an active imagination. In their attempts to perfectly frame themselves in every situation of life, they tend to be vocal when they’re left standing at the edge of life’s photograph.

They’ll come up with excuses, conjure malicious intent behind others’ innocent actions, and will do whatever it takes to shift over to being slap-bang in the middle of every group photo they’re in.

This article’s goal is to help you better understand the motivations of the narcissists you’re exposed to in life. You’ll likely come across those who are very good at complaining. They will mask their selfish intentions as an attempt to fight for the greater good. They will make life’s ordinary happenings seem unfair, and most of all, they’ll drain you of the desire to be around them.

If nothing else, this article aims to help you put into words certain traits you’ve observed in people you suspect to be narcissists.

 


Special Treatment Is an Expectation, Not a Hope


A common source of complaints from people with narcissistic tendencies is stemmed from the way they perceive the normal act of being excluded from certain happenings in everyday life. Not every instance of life calls for us to be the center of attention. We’re thereby mostly excluded from being the focal point during our day to day interactions.

Narcissists however, seem to expect being the focal point of every interaction. What’s assumed as a bonus by normal individuals, is perceived as an expectation by narcissists.

For example, a server going out of their way at the restaurant a narcissist frequents will likely be made an expectation by them. Individuals like the one in question find it difficult to understand that not every good thing is a normal occurrence. The concept of something being a bonus is seldom understood, as every step toward improvement is perceived as being deserved rather than earned.

Going out of your way for a narcissist will thereby be met ungratefully. It will become expected from you. Should you refrain from going out of your way for them, they’ll be likely to complain.

The very normal event of not being treated in a special manner will seem like a personal attack in a narcissist’s mind. If they frequent the same restaurant as in the example above for example, they’ll expect all servers to treat them like the one who went above and beyond. If the server assigned to their table does their job well but doesn’t meet the expectations of the narcissist, they’ll be likely to complain.

A source of complaints from narcissists thereby, stems from the expectation, rather than the hope, to receive special treatment. Should they not receive it, narcissists tend to feel personally attacked / victimized.

 


Strategic Complaints for the Greater Good to Benefit Themselves


Narcissists seem to have an innate ability to mask their selfish intentions with an apparent desire to achieve a greater good. They’ll strategically assign themselves to social causes which help them in a selfish way. Should they be successful in attaining something they present to be a greater good, their own existence would benefit most.

These people complain strategically on behalf of others, only to be operating with their own interests held in highest regard. In addition to that tendency, narcissists also tend to perceive themselves to be the poster child of every social issue which they identify with. It seems they believe that not only should everyone they associate with experience victory, but that they’re the person who most represents the population they fight for.

For example, a narcissist who perceives themselves to be deserving of a bigger work-space at work will strategically vouch for everyone with a similar work-space to get a bigger desk. They’d then do their best to ensure that they receive the biggest and best desk due to their effort to enact that change. Though they’d be helping others in this regard, they’d do their best to position themselves to gain the most.

These people see widespread social issues as opportunities for themselves to derive benefit from. They are loud, persistent, and seemingly vigilant to enact social change. Once that change is achieved, they’ll perceive themselves to be deserving to benefit the most from the group’s victory.

Narcissists riddle legitimate advances toward social change with their own selfish tendencies. They distract from important issues by complaining louder than the rest in search for changes which would strategically benefit them the most.

 

Book recommendation: 

How to Handle a Narcissist

Disclaimer of Opinion:
This article is presented only as opinion. It does not make any scientific, factual, or legal claims in any way.