You may have noticed by now that people have their good and bad days. The ones we respect sometimes let us down by acting out in ways which the people we have little respect for would act like. We’re often conflicted while witnessing someone having a bad day. We question whether what we see is in fact their natural state of being, or simply a rare event of them losing their composure.
The decisions we make at the moment of seeing someone act in ways which are unpleasant can serve to define how we interact with them going forward. In an attempt to protect our achievement of the goals which we’ve set for ourselves, we can be too quick in labeling someone as being hurtful to our life’s mission.
This article is about why you should define others’ natural state of being by their best moments day to day. This is not a proposition to pretend that everyone you meet is only pleasant and good without evidence. However, if you’ve witnessed someone behave in ways which commanded your respect, then encourage them to make that their default state of being.
You Grow When You Encourage Growth in Others
Encouraging others to be the best versions of themselves isn’t done by sitting them down and telling them why they should adopt that goal. Encouragement comes in many forms. At the base of your acts of encouragement should live the belief that the person you interact with has been, and can be, kind. Encouragement can be so subtle that its facets haven’t yet been properly described. We sometimes label others as having, “bad energy,” as an attempt to describe them being unsuccessful in bringing out the best version of ourselves. The subtle and minute aspects of the act of encouraging others can therefore be tackled with the general notion of remembering the other’s ‘goodness’.
By assuming the person you interact with is behaving in line with the best version of themselves that you’ve previously seen, you encourage them to grow into that frame. Operating under that assumption, you take their points seriously, and help them with their goals. You are attentive when they speak, and allow them the opportunity to perform to the best of their ability. You laugh at their jokes and make them comfortable in expressing themselves. You encourage them to grow, rather than serve to block the roots of their personality to explore new realms.
The thing that’s in it for you, is the development of your social circle to be one whose growth moves at a powerful momentum. By being focused in encouraging others to grow, you will undoubtedly grow yourself. The people you encourage growth in will think of new ideas which may be brilliant and good for you to adopt. They will see greater success, which you can capitalize on by way of referral. They will be more insightful in conversations, which will force you to operate at a higher communicative level too. The encouragement of others’ growth is the act of leveling up your social environment. Newcomers will be taken back at how positive and rewarding it is to spend time with you and those who you call close. You’ll experience the perks that come with developing a strong community over time, and your relationships with others will densen.
Forgive Their Missteps; Reward Their Goodness
Forgiveness is an important aspect in your venture to encourage others’ growth. The people in our lives can be so disappointing sometimes. Being disappointment by those who we consider to be reliable is a bad feeling as it is a subtle form of betrayal. Forgive them. Forgive them a hundred times if that’s what is required. Strive to remember what people are capable of if you’ve previously experienced them behaving in a kind, upstanding, respectable, and wise manner. It’s hard to forgive because forgiveness serves to pair our consciousness with someone who has committed a wrongdoing. We don’t want to see aspects of ourselves in people who do bad things. We want to distance ourselves from ones who scream out in anger and bang on the table, partly because it can be dangerous, but mostly because we’re afraid of seeing ourselves become them. We have an understanding that others’ behavior rubs off on us, and that makes it difficult to forgive. Forgiving is often seen as endorsing, which is a wrong assumption.
Think of forgiving others as simply another way to help them grow. Do not insert your own goodness into the conversation. You are neither good or bad if you forgive someone for being bad. In that case, you’re simply a medium for their growth to thrive in. The goal is not political, but rather one which focuses on others’ growth. Forgiveness (not acceptance; they’re different), is simply a means toward achieving the goal of growth in those whose seemingly unforgivable actions we want to put a stop to.