“Faith in humanity,” is a term used to describe being wholesomely proud of the actions other people take. Whilst standing at a red light, you may see a teenager helping an old blind man cross the street and feel a sense of warmth. As you receive your cheeseburger and fries, you may be notified that the person who just exited the drive thru has paid for your order. Instances like those build our “faith in humanity.” They perhaps re-educate us on the kindness which exists in others’ intentions, and entice us to adopt a kind mindset of our own. They motivate us to continue the process onward, and improve others’ faith in humanity much like ours has been improved.
As you become motivated and begin to take kind action, you may be hit with doses of painful reality. Your kindness, though coming from an innocent place, may be rejected. It may even be attacked. If seeing others act kindly toward their fellow man raises our faith in humanity, then people rejecting our own kind acts does well to diminish any of that faith we’ve managed to build up.
This article is written to lessen the intensity with which you get discouraged when your kindness gets rejected. Acting out our kind thoughts via kind action makes us feel good too. Apart from brightening someone else’s day, acting kindly toward others fills our days with meaning. Being rejected in our attempts to be kind thereby lowers the fulfillment we garner from our days. It has the capacity to strip our day with meaning.
Being Helped Is Perceived as Admitting to Being in Need
Imagine yourself shooting hoops in the gym by yourself. The meditative and repetitive motions of shooting free throws without count do well to clear the mind. You’ve forgotten about where you need to be next, and whose email you better respond to after this. You focus on your form, and on ensuring you put enough backspin as you release the ball. As you get lost in the music in your headphones, someone comes up to you and offers tips on keeping your elbow in while shooting.
Though they’ve attempted to be helpful, and executed their presentation of advice in a kind manner, their words hint on your tendency to flare your elbow whilst releasing the shot. They’ve found a weakness in your form, and reminded you of it when you may not have been in the mood to listen to advice.
There are times when being open to being helped inherently means admitting to a weakness we possess. If we accept the kind helpfulness of another individual, then it must also mean that we agree with their analysis of us needing that help. Many young men have the experience of helping someone carry something heavy. Whether it be bags of groceries or moving boxes, there’s seldom a time when the answer has been, “No, please help me,” to the question of, “Are you sure you’ve got that?” Young men aren’t privy to risking being perceived as weak. Though you may indeed have loaded up on too many bags of groceries, or stacked too many boxes to comfortably carry, the chances are that you somehow muscled your way along.
Your kind behavior may remind another of a weakness they possess. In their mind, they’d have a good reason for refusing your offerings of help or kindness. However, from your perspective as the offer-er of help, their refusal may seem a little rude or standoffish. You wouldn’t know of the internal battles they may be fighting, and their refusal of your kindness may be a step they need to take in order to overcome something on their mind.
Remember that there are some who may be going deep into an analysis of themselves.They’re living a whole existence in a world that you can’t see into. They may not be ready to express why your help or kindness is not needed at this current time, and may simply reject your kind propositions.
Don’t be discouraged when they do. Keep your own demons in mind; the ones you you try to battle day in and day out. Keep in mind how someone may perceive certain behavior traits of yours which stem from your battles against those demons.
Perhaps you’ve started to challenge yourself to get on the Keto diet, and have rejected your grandma’s kind gesture of baking you a cake. Perhaps you’ve made it a mission to walk to work and didn’t have enough time to explain your reasoning in refusing a ride from a coworker who stopped in the middle of a busy street to ask if you needed one. We all have our reasons for our sometimes odd behavior and refusals of help. Be wary of those reasons existing in those who reject your kindness. Remember that their own battles shouldn’t affect your tendency to be kind toward others.
“They always wanted something when they helped.”
People hurt each other. They find devious ways of doing so, and some, seek to derive benefit from every interaction in which they partake. There are those who are used to operating within a marketplace of kindness. They’ve been taught to expect kindness for when they show it to others. The person you may be trying to help has perhaps grown tired of people expecting favors in return for helpfulness. They may be tired of their sensitivities being utilized in order to exploit their strengths, and may have resigned to never accepting free help or kindness.
These people will not want birthday presents, and won’t come out for a drink when you offer to cover the tab. They’re the ones who ensure to always return the favor when you do one for them, because they fear your feelings being hurt when your kindness goes unreturned.
Do your best to present your kind helpfulness as being non reciprocal. Ensure you make it known that you expect absolutely nothing for being kind, not even a, “thank you,” or a strengthened friendship. Present your help and kindness in a non disclosed and nonchalant manner, then see what the response is from the targeted individual. There’s not much else you can do in the face of someone’s fear of being expected to reciprocate.
The important thing to note however, is that valid reasons exist for people’s rejection of your helpfulness. Remember these valid reasons, and don’t lose your, “faith in humanity,” should your helpful gestures get rejected.