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This article is written to warn you against attempting to prove haters wrong with loving acts.
To be disdained by others is a relatively minor con to being alive. A non-abrasive existence is difficult to lead because reality consists of factors you can’t control. This understanding leads to the realization of why it makes no sense to act outside the bounds of your authentic self.
As you go on to act authentically to your being, you will come across abrasive moments. Gossip about you may spread, and your reputation may be affected by opinions rather than facts.
In light of such social abrasion, a need for social comfort will pull you to smoothen things with those who dislike you. You’ll offer hands in friendship, present positive social cues, and only speak well about the person who holds disdain toward you. These will be the right acts to take, but not for reasons pertaining to mending relationships or softening relations.
You’ll do well to remain on the right side of history – notwithstanding your role in it – by acting kindly to others through thick and thin. In doing so, you’ll stamp yourself in the right place in the truth’s record book.
But you won’t change a hater’s mind.
When Hating Becomes Unreasonable, Reasonable Fronts Are Found
The golden trick of irrational hatred is baiting its victim into proving it right. If the victim of disdain reacts with negativity of their own, evidence is gathered and hatred is reaffirmed. The initial, irrational, disdain felt by others gains information which fuels it further.
Most of those who experience irrational hatred are wise enough to ignore it however. They may even try to make things better in other contexts and interactions with those whom they’re disliked by; in attempts to wholesomely attain a hater’s love.
Attempting to prove irrational hatred wrong will divert it to rational fronts. The person whose mind you attempt to change about their perception of you will likely not double down in the irrational direction of their hatred. In the face of rational, loving, acts by you, they’ll see the risk in continuing with the same attempts to damage you.
At this point, a hater is starved for evidence to justify the ember you fail to put out with your kind acts. Your loving acts introduce risk to them materializing their hatred toward you because their lack of rationality would be brought to light within their own mind. They’d feel a touch of cognitive dissonance and will seek to settle that feeling. Their attempt to align their feelings and acts toward you will seek an outlet.
Evidence for reasonable fronts to their irrational hatred of you is the path of least resistance that’s likely to be pursued. Someone with disdain toward you is able to maintain it should they find valid channels to funnel it through. Should someone with disdain toward you discover any evidence to reignite their hatred, their hatred would no longer be classified as irrational. They’d be free to hate and hate freely as they present evidence to others for why they hate.
The hatred you quench in one context will unveil itself in contexts you’d have a harder time quenching it in.
What’s Best To Do With Haters Then?
Don’t encourage them to find reasonable fronts for irrational hatred. Rather, let irrationality breed.
If your goal is to expose irrational hatred, then allowing it to grow within an irrational mind will encourage that mind to unveil itself as irrational to others whilst failing to recognize it themselves.
Giving enough attention so as to formulate arguments against irrational hatred is moot behavior. If there is a good reason for someone’s disdain, you must admit it to yourself and others. That case doesn’t require arguing as much as accepting.
If there is no good reason for someone’s disdain, arguing will validate their points enough to encourage debate.
Arguing for your case against any form of disdain is thereby seldom a good idea. Situational factors call for laying out your case against others’ negativity toward you, such as accepting certain portions of a mostly fabricated story about you.
However, to forget that you can’t put out hatred’s flame with words is to lose a lot of time and sleep. So keep your counters short with those who have it out for you.
Staying silent and still outdoors brings nature closer to you. The wind blows louder, the sun burns hotter, and the chipmunks rustle closer the longer you sit still.
If the goal is to expose an irrational hater in the context within which they hate, assume a silent and still state regarding their attempts to subvert, damage, and diminish. Gather evidence, keep receipts, and observe the weaknesses they publicize by being publicly against you.
The more information that flows from them regarding their feelings toward you, the more chances there will be for a mistake to occur. Only act against detractors with their mistakes fueling your progressions. Your acts should be strictly defensive in matters where negative emotion fuels a subject’s acts toward you in professional or social contexts. Your counter-attacks should look like self-inflicted wounds by those who hate.
Remain still, let that individual’s nature reveal itself by assuming it safe to do so, then act on the weaknesses such individuals present from a defensive standpoint. Always ensure your physical safety around hateful individuals, but once that’s covered, allow them to paint the world with their dark and ugly strokes.
Recognize irrational hatred toward you to be self-destructive behavior on the part of people exhibiting such behavior. All you’d need to do to ensure that prophecy is fulfilled is to remain even in your perception, admit to your mistakes quickly, and let the process play out. Silence brings with it most peace because it encourages more output from irrational actors destined to destroy themselves.