A search for depth in a world which is seemingly becoming shallower is taxing. Akin to saying your name 30 times over, the things you see around you will sometimes suddenly lose their meaning. Your quest for depth will take you to new places. You’ll be keen to push the limits on what life has to offer.
What you’ll likely find however, is that every novel sight and sound becomes normal quickly. Every pleasant smell becomes faint with time. Every perfect person you meet will unveil their shortcomings and every perfect plan you make will have a wrench thrown in it.
The deep thoughts you have will seem unimpressive a few days later. The deep meanings you assign to certain moments will only be remembered by an unviewed picture buried on your phone down the line. With every iteration to discover depth, life seems to launch a turbulent wave which levels the ground you dug for depth in.
Now the only choice will be to start over. Every phase of the process will seem to be a hassle. Digging in new places, with new tools, will seem exciting until life keeps on washing over all your hard work.
The times when life seems to vibrate in perfect harmony will give you hope.
You’ll have nights in which your friends glow in a magical light, for instance. They’ll connect with you at a level which is seldom reached. They’ll seem vulnerable, they’ll express deep seated truths, and they’ll make you feel authentically connected to at least one other being in this existence.
The two of you will exchange chat messages into the morning about your interpretation of life. Your mutual efforts to dig deep and search for meaning will feel pleasant.
As the days go by however, that feeling also fades. Akin to a play button being pressed as you desperately analyze a paused frame, life keeps rolling.
Life’s constant waves can make you bitter. Your friend’s disdain for slaving their life away at a job they hate will seem hypocritical when they’re back in full swing of things. You won’t talk to them for a while, and the magic of your previous conversation will fade. The hole you dug in a search for truth will be washed over.
New truths will come about from your realization that such discouraging waves exist. You’ll look to new philosophies, adopt new identities, and perhaps even give religion a shot. In a desperate search for depth, you’ll seek out the equivalent of a hydraulic digger.
Life’s waves will keep flooding every hole you dig. The sand you so desperately flung out of the hole which you thought contained some truth will rush back in.
The feeling of having no choice but to float on shallow waters is dreadful to consider. Accepting your fate of doing just that becomes harder with every hole you dig. The cycle is a viciously taxing one. The ones who seem to break through to the truth before a wave comes over simply have to wait. The waves will come.
The question isn’t whether you’ll ever dig the hole which doesn’t get washed over. The question is whether you’ll try again when your truth gets swallowed by the ocean.