Why You Win When You Forgive

The tune of people telling you that forgiveness is the way has been overplayed.

People seem to inherently know that forgiveness is the way toward contentment and peace, but that notion seems to always be forgotten. Forgiveness only seems to come after the ones we forgive are either shamed or disproved. Are we capable of forgiving those who have not apologized? Are we capable of forgiving those who were not caught and shamed? Our vengeful nature entices us to seek balance. It entices us to communicate and share the pain we feel when others metaphorically stab us in the gut.

This article is yet another reminder for you to attempt forgiveness. The perspective this is written from however, is not an emotional one, but one of attaining the upper hand in life. Below are reasons why forgiveness can propel you toward victory in the various aspects that encompass the life you live. Forgiveness in this regard, exists without seeking apology or vengeance. The forgiveness mentioned in this article, is a peace which solely exists within you. This article is written within the context of legality. Laws exist for a reason, and you should always involve law enforcement when you’re subject to illegal acts.


It’s Easier to Forgive the Ignorant


It is easier to forgive a child making up falsehood than it is to forgive an adult doing the same. The adult should know better, under our understanding of the world. The adult should not be ignorant to why lying is not right, and the disgracefulness of the deed itself. When we forgive the child for lying, after communicating why it’s bad, we comfort ourselves by advocating that ignorance was at play. The child has not lived and has not yet learned. We label the child as being ignorant in our act of forgiving them, and will keep a close eye on whether the same deed is committed down the line.

The easier it is for you to forgive, the more ignorant the person you’re forgiving turns out to seem. It’s easier to forgive people when the pain they’ve caused was unintentional. It’s easier to forgive someone who accidentally spills a coffee on our white shirt, rather than someone who does it as an impractical joke. However, all misdoings against you can be linked to some sort of ignorance, and therefore be forgiven. The person who intentionally spills coffee on your shirt as a joke is ignorant to the inappropriateness of that behavior. People who cause others pain are ignorant to how they don’t align with being liked, acting kindly, and propelling positivity. Those who make painful, sly, remarks are ignorant to why their habit entices people to not like them.

Attempt to connect people’s malicious behavior to ignorance whenever possible. The quickest way of doing so is to forgive. If the malicious behavior is immediate and in your face, explain why the behavior is malicious, and then forgive. Those who watch from the sidelines will question why you’re so quick to forgive, for which you’ll answer with your acceptance of the perpetrator’s ignorance. The ones who caused you pain will expect a reaction out of you, either for revenge or for justice. Forgiveness on your end will entice them, more than anything else, to reevaluate their behavior toward you. Their acts toward you will be seen as weak and ineffective. A quick act of forgiveness from your end will label them as ignorant to a specific, important, aspect of life.


To Not Forgive Is to Perceive Someone as a Threat


There are people who we don’t forgive for years. The behaviors they’ve exhibited were so malicious and painful, that we can’t risk allowing these people back into our lives and doing the same things again. We perceive them as a threat to at least our happiness, if not our emotional stability and more. There are times when people are legitimate threats to your psychological well being, and forgiving them would be akin to shooting yourself in the foot. However, if you were to analyze the people who you find difficult to forgive, their malicious acts may not exactly be threatening in any way.

We tend to hold onto minute grudges, and empower those who’ve caused us pain. We go into unnecessary wars because of simple comments or angry emails. We are too quick in labeling people as threats to our emotions. The act of forgiving, apart from labeling people as ignorant, serves to communicate that you don’t see them as a threat. An old granny spreading gossip about us is easier to forgive than if it were an influential coworker doing the same. We wouldn’t perceive the old granny as a threat to our success, and thereby can calmly deal with the lies and embellishments being spread about us.

Forgive people to dis-empower them. Forgiving not only labels them as ignorant to why their behavior is bad, but also serves to not label them as threats in any way. Watch their actions toward you from an observer’s perspective rather than a victim’s. Observe people who act maliciously toward you and do your best to align them with ignorance and weakness. Forgiveness is a simple way of doing that.

Next in line: 

Why You Shouldn’t React to Hate From a Select Few

Book Recommendation: 

The Book of Forgiving



Disclaimer of Opinion: This article is presented only as opinion. It does not make any scientific, factual, or legal claims in any way.