Attraction may be a science, but it sure is difficult to understand.
The preferences of what’s attractive seem to constantly cycle through. You may be attracted to a potential mate’s confidence, social aptitude, and facial bone structure. You may like small noses, and may prefer those whose hair is blonde. Attraction seems to travel deeper, and change with time. A single glance from the right person, at the right time, may be attractive for seemingly no reason. The struggling artist type may catch your eye, and their tattoos may turn you on.
A controversial aspect of attraction however, is one of money, and just how much of it a potential partner has. There are some reading who may not place sizable importance on the financial aspects of relationships, and others who find it mightily important. The ones who value money, might consider it an important metric to measure potential partners by. As soon as such a person’s analysis of a potential mate results in their acceptance of advances – or the decision to make advances of their own – a relationship is now available for the public to place judgment on.
The criticism backing someone’s label of being a, “gold-digger,” is predicated on a perspective that money should not be deciding factor in the selection of a mate. The ones who hold this opinion often contradict themselves, as they likely value the attainment of financial freedom, and strive for it themselves. The criticism seems to come from a misalignment of views regarding just how much of a role money should have in the selection of a mate, with perhaps some jealousy mixed in.
This article takes no position, for or against, someone’s tendency to value money in their selection of a mate.
This is written for those who find themselves being called a “gold-digger,” or are subject to other similar critiques.
The point which will be expounded on, is the act of exploiting the fact that an opinion against money’s role in love, is just that. This article is about publicizing a legitimate preference people have to value the earning potential of a mate of theirs, and serving to expose other’s unreasonable attempts to shroud their envy about the matter.
Potential Causes of the Label
People who use the tendency of others to be attracted to successful mates as a social weapon, bank on eliciting a sort of shame within their target. By their interpretation, financial success does not mean what it does to those who are attracted to successful people.
The envious perceive placing importance on success as making a lazy and shallow decision from both ends of the relationship. In their mind, the tendency to be attracted to a successful mate is interpreted as exploitative and inauthentic. By the same token, the decision for a successful individual to become romantically involved with a mate who values their success, is perceived as “buying,” love, instead of working hard for it like others.
Financial success is an understandable sore spot in the minds of many. As people try to figure out what makes a person financially successful, their minds wander back and forth. In analyzing those who are more successful than we are, we jump from wanting to label their success as lucky, to acknowledging the effort that is at play.
The people who bank on luck being the cause of fiscal earnings, blind themselves to the hard work it takes to place oneself in a position to be lucky. The people who only view financial success as a skillful endeavor, intentionally ignore the uncontrollable factors (luck) that may have went the rich man’s way. Neither side is therefore ever happy with their analysis of the successful, as they far too often, adopt this black and white approach.
As people have trouble placing their finger on what they believe to be a route to riches, it becomes easy to envy those who’ve figured out the path. Even easier than that, is to dislike those who take a perceived shortcut to that path, without earning it themselves.
What’s so unattainable to others (money), has began to help those who’ve managed to attain it in areas which breed even more envy. “If that man wasn’t rich…” they tell themselves, “…he wouldn’t be with that girl, and he wouldn’t have all those people taking him seriously.” Those who attack others for marrying rich for instance, get caught up in believing that money bought the rich person not only happiness, but love and respect as well.
There’s Nothing Wrong With Seeking Out a Successful Individual
The people who are labelled, “gold-diggers,” often make the mistake of trying to reject the label. They’ll begin citing their partner’s traits which don’t have anything to do with money. As they tell their friends about the nasty insults spewed at them by another, they’ll be baffled as to how someone could think that money was the only factor in the selection of their mate.
Especially if under the public eye, the label of a being a gold-digger is difficult to manage. It seems that there’s often some truth to the label, as much as we don’t like to admit. As a matter of fact, there may be a lot of truth behind that notion, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
What many overlook in their defense of such labels, is that perhaps agreeing with, and amplifying it, is a better path to take. Agreeing with others’ lazy, malicious, labels such as this, does well dispel their perceived criticisms to do with one’s desire for a successful mate. Who said that success should not be an attractive trait for a partner to possess?
If you find yourself in a position of being called a gold-digger, and feel the need to defend yourself in any capacity, mention your attraction to the traits of your partner which culminate in the building their wealth. Say that yes, you are attracted to their financial success, because that one metric says a lot about everything else about them as individuals.
Attempt to dispel the myth of it being wrong to value another person’s wealth, as it is a perfectly natural thing to analyze when selecting a romantic partner. Operate with pride about your partner, in regards to their every trait and facet. In order to be bulletproof to comments such as these, nothing better highlights jealousy than finding nothing wrong with the underlying notion of being attracted to wealth.
“Yes, I value my partner’s success and wealth, he/she is the perfect package. Financial success is not a shameful thing to aspire to.”
Their Attempts to Expose, Will Shine a Bright Light Back on Them
As you agree with, and amplify, the notion of deliberately seeking out a successful individual as a potential mate, you’d serve to de-weaponize those who seeked to use that “knowledge,” to bring you pain. By, yourself, admitting that it’s totally normal and not embarrassing to seek out partners who are successful, you’ll highlight the envy which backs people’s “gold-digger,” statements.
As they try to make a case for why being a “gold-digger,” is a bad thing (even if only in their own minds), every reason will be linked back to an emotion of envy. Those who attempt to shame others for dating “up,” will expose themselves as perhaps simply wishing they were in the same position of being able to do so.
By agreeing that financial success was a major factor in your selection of a mate, you’d serve to not only normalize that very normal perspective. You will also entice those who have a problem with it to contradict themselves as they search for additional ways to hurt you. Remember, don’t take these insults to heart, and agree with the message they try so desperately to expose. In doing so, you’ll expose the flawed reasoning used by those who attempt to use these insults to harm others’ reputations.